The Secrets you find after you say “I Do”

You’ll see the worst of each other.

“When you’re dating, you put your best self forward, and you’re practically be in a happy mode every time you are around each other, I don’t know why it was so shocking to realize that we are not shiny, happy people all the time. When you are being “real” with each other, every person’s moods go up and down. You get sick, you have a bad day, And that’s when you really find out if you two can last. You see the full span of emotions, not just the few hours at a time of perfect mood you spend with each other when dating.

You’ll feel financial  and/or kids pressure.

With 5 kids in the house a lot can change and happen when it comes to my family. But it really comes down to how I the woman handles and juggles it all.I was well aware of the pressure to have children after marriage,since that’s really all you see in the media while growing up. I am not working and don’t have a profession that will be able to generate the finances you will need to raise a family of 5 kids. So understanding that there is no amount of work that I can get into to be able to create the financial freedom we would like, meaning spending quality time with my kids while my husband work on growing a business is far more valuable. With my role in growing our family business we have been able to create that financial freedom which in turn can create a more exciting marriage since now we don’t have the pressures of finding a place to live and what to eat.

You can get too comfortable.

“I learned that, unfortunately, people do think it’s OK to share toothbrushes, No it’s not.. this is what starts most issues. why share when you can buy one for $2 ( why create that conflict?). I think that the purpose of college roommates is to prepare you for marriage, because when the butterflies in the stomach and sheer excitement wear off, you must be able to accept someone who leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and dishes in the sink and moves your stuff around! And women need to stop saying if your husband express his discomfort in sharing his toothbrush with you means he does not love you. He does but come on now…toothbrush is not the trick for knowing if he loves you. I had that issue with my husband because he will never drink after me. meaning if he has water in a glass and I come to have a sip, he will not drink from that glass anymore. I use to be so sad about it and start to create other issues from just that. I learned quick…share what you both agree to share when it comes to personal stuff. Marriage does not mean you loose yourself..marriage means you find some and more amazing parts of yourself with the help of your partner.

Your plans will change—and that’s OK.

I never wanted to have a marriage where the man and woman default to traditional gender roles.  I wanted the partnership union. My husband is a typical Man with all the traditional marriage stuff like the woman does all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the house, kids and him. Well, he is lucky because I am from Ghana and we are raised to do that in a more exciting way…like being able to afford a nanny, a cook and a cleaner. Yeap!!! So we did and my role now is to make sure it gets done. Then I took on the role of becoming my 5 kids educator ( homeschooling). Now, I did have a dream while in school ( vocational school in Ghana. I had thought about going into the health care profession which I was not sure what I wanted yet at 20yrs old. But with my change of plans and life, that could create drama in our marriage which it did and probably still does in little ways. But I work on make sure I see the bigger picture…I get to spend my days and years with all my kids. that is more rewarding that what any job could offer me. So allow change, this does not mean shut down your dream, it just means keep working on it while you enjoy your marriage.

Marriage is truly a beautiful union and should be cherished that way. You have the key to make it work. Not your family or friends..

Perception is everything in life and use that in your marriage.

 

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